What do you do when you stay at a hotel, alone, for work or interview? You order food, watch tv, try to pull out the soap dispenser from its holder and see the whole city from your window because going out means cheating on studies.

I did not study, that is a different issue. But it was raining. So, not my fault.

The next day, I dragged my suitcase, worried because I was 10-12 minutes late. But the queue was just building up. Waiting for me and so many who woke up at dawn, formally dressed female advocates, proving that their RT-PCR report is real with another proof, doctor’s verification certificate. Because doctor knows how to better interpret the word ‘NEGATIVE’ from the report.

We got in, were made to purchase a INR 50/- shield. 

Special Tip: Don’t throw away your shields and keep a pair of gloves for the conference/interview. Assume you will get in, the reason why so many of us don’t carry it all is the screening barrier.

They were good people, gave us breakfast while we waited for verification. And we struggled with borrowing a pen. Keep two in your pocket. One for yourself and one for lending out. Signs of a good army person, lending your pen, however reluctant you are.

During the OIR test, I took my time, ensuring correct answers. Perfectionism is a disease. It ails you, stops your hand from answering fast or making imperfect circles on the OMR answer-sheet. If you have that problem.. too bad.

The second OIR test, I somehow managed to play akkad-bakkad-bambe-bo and rescued myself. Then came the feared PPDT, Picture Perception Description Test. Write fast but write short, keep it interesting but keep it real, don’t use the beginning – “I had a dream”.. because Martin Luther King already had that. I reminded myself.

Fast, short, interesting, real. Right.. and forget as soon as the invigilator said, “and your time starts now!”

Here is what you can do to get screened in: Use you talent. Every body has one unique skill they don’t share with the world in their stories. They take it “seriously”. They become “professionals”. Like mourners.

But the best advocates are known for their diverse inclusion of economics, arts, philosophy in their stories, an irresistible concoction of an argument.

“आओ आओ नाटक देखो !”

I did a street play enactment from my Akshat Drama Group initial days in the GD post PPDT. My college batchmates used to tease me, ‘और, तुम्हारा ड्रामा कैसा चल रहा है?’ 

But my drama career helped me orate well, including elements of other local cultures and life experiences, all of it made it sound like an anecdote, not like a formal story.

Gain attention of the group and once you have that, end the story quickly before it wavers, not more than 40 seconds. It shows your ability to adhere to the time limit and present your thoughts in a concise manner. Also, who cares?

You care. Listen to other stories, you will need them. 

Group Discussion: 
So you think you can only discuss what you memorised?

Of course, everybody will have a good story. But will everybody get screened in? 

Officer, listen. And use other stories to make a good observation. That is what positivity means, accepting the good points in others. Acceptance needs more than a self-serving attitude.

Be ready to shout only if others do. The more amicable the group, that many more chances of getting screened in. Our group could not come to a conclusion so a candidate volunteered her friend to summarise. 

Some of us got screened in, some went to explore Banglore(Bangalore?Bengaluru?)

Special Tip: It’s time to drink ORS.

Fill all the forms at home and bring them ready, kept after the Xerox set. Reduce your work load for the day, conserve energy for the rollercoaster of tasks ahead. 

They may ask you to fill fresh forms instead of the ones you brought, or not, depending on the center and the batch you get. 

Write down your roll no. on you palm and a small chit as well. Because bathing is important, you see and soap erases palm memories.

Be ready with basic answers for the PIQ form, earlier attempts, converted marks into percentage for Class 10, Class 12, Graduation, Post Graduation. Rest you can fill easily. 

Special Tip: Don’t lie. If it is caught during interview then, as they say, ‘Liar-Liar, pants on fire!’ The interviewer won’t say that.

Once you reach the hostel, find good beds and book them. It’s a group thing.

I made a lot of amazing friends during my five days in the back end hostel. Everybody had something unique with them. Chest no. 35 had a mini foldable silicone kettle which we made coffee in, Chest no. 34 was a corporate firm advocate, made amazing hairstyles and I got all my beauty tips from her, like the Sphinx BB cream’s feathery light texture for all days including GTO, where I was bound to get dirty and sweaty and tired and over all, sympathetic to look at.

A lot of army kids will be there. But being intimidated is not the option. Talk to them, they may be as nervous as you are or they may not. Many will talk of stars and wings, observe if they talk of human rights, field experiences, local anecdotes, take an insight into the kind of person you are competing against.

There were people like Chest No. 37, daughter of a policeman, calm, living in nature during lockdown, her hobby was to watch sunset and sunrise, the next day. She was a UPSC aspirant.

It was my first experience. I was a fresher, naturally nervous and wound up tight. I could have had more fun. It never affects performance. Study when you have to, but these friends will be for life.

No phones, no family, no history, no judgements, all advocates and all ambitious women around. Could I ask for more filters?

Special Tip: Have a hot cup of green tea before sleeping. (Headache, Tiredness)

Special Tip: Share.

Special Tip: Small Talk. Sleep early. Biggest tip to perform. 

Psychological Performance: I let it be about me. So I performed average. I had my interview after a long stay in the waiting room, then I lost my miniature key to open the suitcase, had to run back and forth, long distances in pointed bellies, hurting my toes in blazing hot sun to find a stupid, small, silver key.

And amidst all of that, run back if you forget to wear your chest no.

I got so frustrated that I tried breaking the lock with my hands. Failed. Then I took out a safety pin, hair pin, pen to see if the lock accepts anything other than its special key.

I wish I had carried a stone. Don’t, makes you look psycho.

By evening, everyone knew about a missing key and I finally found the girl who had it because she had two keys now, twins.

Special Tip: Colour you key and add a keychain.

Not everyday will be your day. But in the evening, the most special time of the day, once, getting to call family, parents, even relatives and friends, makes you desperate to be with them, to cry and tell them that look, I don’t like the food, I am hungry, I am aching all over and I just can’t do this.

But you don’t. You just ask how they are, tell them you are fine and the tasks you did, some good friends you made and take care. You stifle the tears in your voice. Somehow.

I have lived apart from my family for 7 years and still the army camp makes you feel like you never left home before this.

There is a canteen where you can eat as many chocolates as you want, no chips, have coffee and access the internet(before the conference).

The next morning, I woke up better. I had the key but kept a chocolate and a night suit on bed, in case I lose it again.

An informal day, an informal dress, let the formals go to hell. The GTO of our group was liked by all, he was well-dressed the first day, matching shoes and belt. Spoke well, so he was our hostel crush, unanimously.

And he was busy smiling into his phone while we were smiling, looking at him smiling. It’s nice to know that soldiers are not always on guard, they let down their cover too. He was surprised and was caught off-guard, but those two moments gave me relief, to not be presentable all the time is okay but getting your act together once you realise it is what matters.

The first was a Group Discussion, like a regular day in the parliament. But don’t throw chairs. We were loud but able to hear each other. 

Next came the problem solving. Don’t get the Bomb Squad in 2 hours in a remote area where you have multiple problems to solve and distances to cover yourself.

Next: Getting physical. In the tasks.

A lot of people are weak in Physics. #Metoo

But it’s about the group effort, not group discussion. We could not complete all 4 levels of the obstacle course because everybody had to assert their opinion. This reduces marks on an individual level.

Cooperate, don’t shout. Assume it to be a real disaster management situation and time of essence.

Listen and follow anyone’s idea as long as it’s being executed rather than being discussed. Help if required or stand back, standing back is okay. Your silence counts as cooperation in a fish market.

Chest no. 34 was cooperating, silently carrying the load where required, and giving her opinion when she felt the need. She got recommended. I crowed.

Special Tip: Keep a few wet wipes in your pocket for post Snake Race & Individual Obstacle. 

I was content with day 2 & day 3. Physical fitness was my one forte.

But then something happened that I did not want to deal with. 

As female advocates, our friends or strangers sometimes ask for our help, advise when something wrong happens with them. But when something wrong happens with you, will you report it?

For a moment, I was scared and tempted to let it go, with my ethics and honesty. What if reporting means reducing chances of being recommended? Being recommended to be a JAG lady officer.

But what if someday she is the advocate in a court martial, being unduly influenced, then does she fear for promotion or suspension or family safety or being framed into a false scandal?

Fear will never go away. But your decision will if you let fear control you. 

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्तेमाफलेषुकदाचन।
माकर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मातेसङ्गोऽस्त्वकर्मणि।

After crying, being afraid, and being scolded, I realised that someday, I will get somewhere in life. That day, a 5-start hotel meal will taste bitter and a 1 Rs. roti will taste better if I become a cheat of my own ethics, of what I ask people to do, “help yourself and I will help you”, as admin of Flat and Flatmates.

I was practising till 3 am that night, writing down sentences, what will sound better, how to be political and just.. then I stopped and wrote 2 lines,

उमर निकल गयी ये समझते-समझते,
की जीते कैसे है?

I gave my feedback to the president in the conference, to ensure that the kids coming in future will get an improved experience. 

One down point of being above 25 years of age is you start referring to future graduates as kids.

I celebrated my birthday in the SSB center and realised that I was wrong in judging repeaters who kept to themselves. (pleasant repeaters, I’ll come to the bullies in the next chapter) One of them could not mix well, though she was polite and was giving JAG again after reaching and training in OTA, Chennai. 

Being a part of the Indian Army or Navy or Air Forces will never be a bed of roses, not for a second. So before you fill out any more forms or prepare your suitcase, answer this, “Why do you want to be a part of the Indian Armed Forces?”

…

GETTING REJECTED

If you have missed out on SSB, you can always go for Roadies. (जोक)

Don’t be sad that it didn’t happen. Because I cried all the way to the airport after getting conferenced out (it means ‘thrown out’).

Travelling all the way from home to center, it’s not easy. But then, is there any other way? As a screened out first-timer, you will still be a fresher for the next attempt, getting in the fresher group for group tasks, thats a benefit, understood only after experience as a repeater.

I cried because of a bruised ego, not that it helped, After shopping therapy, I was back to normal, really wanted to do some bitching but controlled myself because none of them performed for me, I did and I did not bother learning from my mistakes to improve for the next SSB. So don’t cry, write. 

Crying is not okay, whoever said that for SSB. Being upset is okay. Crying is letting out the angst and you will need that angst the next day when you don’t want to wake up at 5 am and go running.

The key is to be desperate. If you fail, you were not desperate enough. Stop blaming luck and competitors. Blame yourself. 

I have done 3 SSB attempts, 2 times lived and performed in centres for 5 days and not recommended, both within a gap of 2 months. 

I am ready for more.